


Him

by sunnyautumnmorning



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 11:05:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7219873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnyautumnmorning/pseuds/sunnyautumnmorning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just something about that beach and what Erik might have been thinking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Him

Darkness. Emptiness.

These were what I felt inside of me despite the fact that I tried to shove them away. I wanted to hold onto something that was pure and full of life. But I had destroyed that, hadn’t I? I stood, transfixed by the sight that lay at my feet. His pain displayed for all those around to witness. But most of all, for me to witness. The pain that I had caused. When he finally looked up, his blue eyes slightly dimmed with the onslaught of pain, he looked at me; no one else. The accusations were firmly held to and thrust at me.

I swallowed and tried to look indifferent, but he knew. He knew what I was thinking. He always did. It did not matter how much I thought that I hoped he would not delve into the chasm within the wall that I tried to desperately cling to, I knew he was probing, searching, pondering why I had made the choices that I had. Hoping to find something he could use to change me. That was his hope to change me. To steer me in a direction that lay in the same direction as he was walking; was walking.

He moaned and writhed; his calm, suave, reserved mask had slipped and had been replaced with a fierce animal that was ready to lash out at the one that had caused this.

I bent over then dropped to my knees and held his arm, wishing to take his place. I would have in a heartbeat. No, even that would have been too slow for the willingness I had to do that for him.   
Willing the metal in his spine into my other hand, I looked at the twisted object and back to his eyes. For the briefest of seconds, I thought I saw forgiveness, understanding in all that I had done, but it must have been my imagination. His pain seemed to diminish for a moment but I knew he was suffering tremendously.

I had hurt him far more than physically. I had severed whatever it had been between us. I had lost what probably would have been the most important man in my life. No, he was more than the most important, most influential, the most…I could not bring myself to admit it. Those feelings I had for him were now to remain buried within, hidden behind a metal fortress that no one, not even I would be allowed to breach.

I stood, tilting my hand, watching the bullet as it fell and landed on the sand with a slight puff.

I would hold myself responsible for this forever. I would carry his pain, my pain with me as long as I drew breath. I would use it as a warrior used a shield.

I motioned to those that had decided to join me and we were gone.

I left him there, in his pain.

I left behind what might have been, what should have been.

I left behind what I had wanted most of all.

Him.


End file.
